A Challenge called 'Teenagers'

Few days ago, a seventeen year old was held, for allegedly meticulously planning, and then killing a senior citizen in Delhi.

As a tenant in his victim's house, this teenager had also reportedly committed thefts, which were discovered by his landlord, who then threw him out of the house, besides realizing the loss from his parents.

Naturally, now his parents are in a state of disbelief.

Disturbed by this incident, I am reminded of a chapter from my work, "Don't Regret Later', which is being reproduced herewith. Of course, this chapter does not appear in the current edition of the book, and is intended for one of the future editions.


Youngsters tend to live as if adolescence were a last fling at life, rather than a preparation for it – Time

A mother understands what a child does not say – Jewish Proverb

Some time ago , the news of a school student of class eight shooting dead one of his schoolmates with his father’s revolver , sent shock waves throughout the country.

How could a teenager who was still in school take such a drastic step, irrespective of the fact that his victim was reportedly a big bully in school, and the accused had decided to settle scores with his tormentor with the help of his father’s weapon?

While this incident triggered a debate in the media, and reasons like changed circumstances of today, and over exposure to mass media which in turn has been accused of glamorizing violence to some extent, especially through cinema etc. were floated. As in the case of other such sensational incidents, this case too died a natural death where the media was concerned, even though the legal proceedings against the main accused and others would continue at its pace.

This incident brought alive memories of my own days as a teenager almost three decades back at the time of writing this chapter. The place and times were totally different as compared to the present days. It was a small town those days, where I grew up, and was far more conservative in outlook and traditional in approach. Fear of elders , school teachers, and parents was one of the key driving force in the day to day lives of we teenagers.

I recall when I was in class 8th, I was engaged in a bitter rivalry with one of my classmates, who coincidentally was from the same colony where I used to stay those days. Both of us needed the slightest excuse to be at each other’s throats, and during the school recess, many a times, we were engaged in a free style wrestling match with each other.

Things became so bad between us , that in order to settle scores with this ‘enemy’ of mine, I befriended two of my other classmates who were considered to be toughies. These toughies agreed to help me out, and with the help of some local goons to teach a lesson to this enemy of mine. But mercifully enough, things finally cooled down between both of us, before things went out of control, and any disastrous incident took place.

Then, I also remember a big bully in our colony who was a couple of years senior to me. He used to get that sadistic pleasure in bullying everyone including me. As he was physically stronger than me those days, there was no way I could dare to engage myself on a one to one combat with him. Coincidentally, there was another friend of mine from the same locality who too was fed up with this bully.

He once told me that some of his school mates were real goons, and they could help us to settle scores with this bully. I requested him for his help in this regard, and two days later, on a sly we managed to persuade this bully to accompany us to a nearby playground, where those goons were waiting. Immediately, they swooped on this bully, thrashed him and delivered a stern warning to him that if he did not mend his ways, he may not live too long. Both my friend and I were really pleased over this accomplishment of ours.

That evening, the parents of this bully landed over at my place, and informed my parents about the “progress” I was had made in terms of socializing with some anti social elements. Further, they also narrated the incident of their son getting bashed up by such elements at my behest.

My parents were simply shocked, and I remember Dad giving me a piece of his mind in front of the visitors. I meekly told them that their son was a bully and used to trouble me every now and then. As my parents and his parents had regards for each other , things were sorted out there and then. While their son mended his ways, I stopped socializing with this boy who had organized those goons.

Looking back at two incidents during my teenage days, and learning about instances of deviant behaviors of far serious magnitude, from some of the teenagers these days, I am convinced of the fact that the period of teens are perhaps the most challenging and difficult phase of one’s life. While the teenagers may be struggling to come to terms with this new phase in their lives, and may also get a misplaced sense of achievement by indulging in certain types of deviant behavior, it is the parents who have to primarily face the consequences of such deviant behavior of their teenaged wards.

Of course, such teenagers themselves expect their parents to pick up the broken pieces in their lives, and bail them out. While it was relatively easier those days when I was a teenager, owing to the relative ‘mildness’ of our deviant behavior then, as compared to what prevails these days, I must admit that my heart goes out to the parents of some such teenagers, who have to live with permanent scars in their lives, besides in the lives of their wards, all due to the misguided thought process of such teenagers.

Let’s face it, it could be very tempting for such teenagers to indulge in anti social behavior, or rebel against the circumstances in the wrong way. This temptation could in fact get aggravated if the teenagers coming from affluent families see their rich and powerful parents, themselves flouting the norms and misusing their power and position to bend the rules, and then getting away with it. This can instill a false belief in them that their rich and powerful parents, would be able to bail them out every time they are in the wrong side of the law.

For all the parents whose children have reached that ‘danger zone’ called teenage, it is thus very important to maintain that proximity and comfort level with their children so that the latter do not hesitate even a bit to confide their problems or confusion to their parents. The problem does not rest there, once the parents are aware of the problems or confusion faced by their teenaged wards, they should test their own analytical and communication skills to enable their teenaged wards inculcate the right thought process, and do not let themselves on the wrong path, at the end of which there could be nothing but untold misery for their wards. Of course, such parents would also be condemned to suffer in the bargain.

Needless to add, all the sermons, lectures, pleadings, etc. by the parents would come to a naught if not backed up by their own right conduct at all times. Also it is very essential for the parents to implement a disciplined code of conduct for their wards which the latter have to follow come what may, so that there is no temptation as well as an opportunity to be led astray.

Yes, this could be a real challenge for some parents who are perhaps too lost in their own world of riches, power, position, and dreams of endless opportunities for themselves.

But then isn't this worth it, when compared to the dangerous consequences of their teenaged wards, creating irreversible damages in their own lives, as well as the lives of their parents, for which there can only be regret all their lives?